


Letter

by ReadingBennie



Series: Ben and Maggie [6]
Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom, Benedict Cumberbatch Fandom, British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:39:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2610500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReadingBennie/pseuds/ReadingBennie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite asking Benedict to not contact her, Margaret writes to him after their breakup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. 
> 
> I don't know what it is with me and angst right now. I sat down and tried to write some fluff... 
> 
> So this is really a letter. It's gonna look a little messy... but I wrote it the way I would a letter to someone. Just letting the words come out how they want. 
> 
> Two things:  
> 1) RCM stands for Royal College of Music  
> 2) Saint Thomas More is a real school in London
> 
> You might need some tissues after this.

_Dear Benedict,_

_I’ve started this letter a thousand times… and I struggle to write what I need to say… But here is an attempt. I’ve sat myself down and I’m going to make it through. I know that I said not to contact me but… I feel like I need to explain why I left…_

_I want to start off by telling you that I love you. I do. I love you so much, so very much, that I’m a bit frightened by it. Please don’t think that I left because I stopped loving you. That’s not the case and it never will be the case. I will never be able to stop loving you because you are it for me...Does that make sense to you? I’m sure it does… If not… Benedict, Ben, my Ben. You are *the one* for me. I will never be able to love anyone after you because I love you so wholly, so completely, that to feel that way about someone else would be an insult to you…And, well, I would never be able to…_

_I didn’t leave you because I don’t love you anymore. I left for a number of reasons. One of the most obvious, in my mind, is that I…well… I was scared about how much I love you. And that I love you so much, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you… It’s silly… Perhaps if I’d sat you down to tell you this it wouldn’t be a reason…_

_Another reason why I left is that I was mad at you, for forgetting to come to the Gala. The Gala was so important to me. I was the youngest RCM alum asked to sing at the event and the alum with the least glamourous singing career. After the school had contacted me, I painstakingly put together this beautiful set, which I must tell you, was dedicated to you. Yes, you were the inspiration behind all the songs I had picked to sing…Can you understand why I *needed* you to be there? Not only to support me, but to receive this musical gift that I had made for you… I know that you’ve most likely heard the set (your mother was very adamant about receiving a recording) and read my program notes… But hearing it second hand does not have the effect of hearing it live… You know, it’s like with your interviews; you can say something but if it’s not received in the moment you said it, people will always lose a bit of context…_

_Did you know that singing at the RCM Gala has opened a lot of doors for me? I’ve been contacted by several organizations to come and sing at their galas and I was even asked to audition for a few opera groups and classical music clubs… I haven’t accepted any offers yet… I haven’t been singing much since… that night._

_But those are all small reasons, things we could have worked out if we’d just sat down and talked… Ben… The real reason I left you is because I came to a harsh realization… They say that when you really, truly, love someone, you have to be able to let them go. And while it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I needed to let you go. Because… While you are *the one* for me… I’m not *the one* for you._

_You need to find someone who moves in the same circles as you do. Someone who has the ability to fly out to see you when you’re away from home; someone who can attend this and that with you and not worry about missing work… I so badly wanted to be that person for you but with my job at St Thomas More not being as flexible… Ben, I can’t be there to give you the support you really need… and you need a relationship that is more than sleepy Skype calls and random texts and me watching you on the telly… Please, for me, find your *one* and be happy._

_I’m going to stop writing now, before I get anymore waffle-y and repeat myself again…_

_Please know that I will always love you._

_Margaret_

_30-10-2014_

 

 

My hand ached from writing and nerves were causing both to shake as I folded the thick stationary and put it in an envelope. I jotted Benedict’s address on the front, sealed it, stamped it, and grabbed my things to head to work. I stopped at the mailbox on the corner and let the letter loose. That was the last time I would see the letter.

I would never see Ben’s face as he shuffled through his mail on Saturday, the way it lit up slightly at the sight of my handwriting on an envelope. I wouldn’t watch him drop the rest of the mail on the sideboard and take my letter to his study, being careful to open it, not wanting an unnecessary tear. I’d never know that he read it several times, caressing the paper as he took in my words and then throwing the letter down as if it had burned him. I wouldn’t see the tears form in the corners of his eyes, his hands shaking as he raked his fingers through his hair, then coming to scrub his cheeks and wipe the tears away. 

Ben would sit down heavily, as a few stray tears made their way down his face, staring for a few minutes at my letter on his desk. He would slowly reach into his pocket and pull out a black box that had been with him for a long time, almost three months. Ben would open the box, to reveal a beautiful ring, and set it down next to my letter, lost in thought as he looked at the two items. But I wouldn’t see this.

And I wouldn’t hear him whisper “Oh, Maggie. If only you knew that I did find _the one_ and she’s lost to me forever and I could never love another as much as I love you.”

 


End file.
